I grew up the middle daughter of two prominent, religious parents. My Dad was also a severely deceitful but "functioning" alcoholic who came home from work most nights reeking of liquor, stuttering and tripping into the house. He seemed to manage to sober up enough in time to perform his deacon duties on Sunday. I told myself that this would never be me. Even still, my parents demanded excellent grades, excellent manners and absolute moral behavior. The way we looked to the world and to our respective "church folks" was paramount.
Friday, February 04, 2005 - 11:33:42
The first time I used, I guess I was about 7 or 8yrs old. I was just stealing a sip of my mothers "soda" which she totally forbid because it was Seagram's VO. I remember it because I used to see it in the cabinet all the time. At first it used to burn my mouth, my brother and sister tried it once and didn't like it. I continued doing it whenever it was available. Some time later, I stole a cigarette from my mother and I would hide and try to smoke them, I couldn't really inhale so I just stopped doing it.
Friday, February 04, 2005 - 11:18:23
I am an addict. When asked what my drug of choice is, I tell people "I'm not picky". But alcohol, which is glamorized by the media, and with its legality and prevalence, has been my greatest temptation. I was clean and sober for six years and nine months, had started Chemical Recovery ministries in six churches and led that ministry for an entire geographic sector in the full time ministry. SO WHAT, BIG DEAL! Satan wasn't impressed or intimidated by my accomplishments. He bided his time and waited for me.
Friday, February 04, 2005 - 10:58:09
When I heard that CR was coming to Boston, I approached the leader and offered to help out, after all, most of my friends were addicts and I dabbled in drug's myself. He looked at me with a strange grin and informed me " this ministry is for you" and suggested I read "Some Sat In Darkness". I read it and decided to dig deeper but I didn't believe I was an addict until I wrote my journal. Then and even now I can't believe how obvious it was that I was a stone cold Junkie.
I used anything I could get my hands on, any way I could from 8 to 36 year's old and the level of perverse depravity I reached included theft and lying, unmentionable sexual perversity, insane act's of dangerous foolishness and violence ranging from threat's to attempted and accessory to murder and this to friend's and family as well as acquaintances and unknown people.
Thursday, February 03, 2005 - 00:10:07