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My Use Quickly Led To Abuse Editor Feb 04 : 12:53
My use began when I was about twelve years old. ![]()
I had many more experiences like this. Once I did so many different drugs in one night (mescaline, PCP, LSD, Cocaine, Marijuana, and alcohol), my body began to reject the drugs, I began to have cold sweats, and I threw up, I thought for sure I was dying. Fortunately I lived to see another day. I was doing terrible at school. I used to be an average student without trying too hard, but because of my drug abuse, school was no longer important. During my ninth and tenth grade I messed up so badly that by the time I entered eleventh grade I had mostly tenth grade classes. I remember feeling depressed and afraid because I knew I was destroying my future. I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. So I tried to change my mindset to "who wants to get old anyway, I don't want to live past forty ." I ended up moving upstate to get away, but I continued doing hard drugs. I did this until about the age of 22. I left school at the age of 16, but continued to go to school at night to get my GED while I worked during the day. Then, I met a girl who didn't approve of the hard stuff . So, I stopped the hard drugs, but I drank every night until I passed out. I would go to work the next day still drunk from the night before and would smoke marijuana all day long. I would smoke at work, after work and get drunk all over again. Again my life was miserable, always feeling angry, depressed, scared or paranoid. At the age of 26, I began abusing crack cocaine. I lost my girlfriend because of my abuse towards her and my abuse with drugs. Again I was free to use whatever I wanted. I began using so much cocaine, alcohol and marijuana, that even I knew I was way out of control. I was constantly in trouble with the law for possession of marijuana, DWI, DUI and possession of cocaine which ended in court many times. I was losing my job, my relationships, my freedom and most of my sanity. I began to wish I were dead. One night I felt like I was losing my mind. I prayed that either I die or get help with my addiction. A week or two later I was invited out to a church. I had never really been to church before and didn't really want to go, but I didn't have much of a choice if I wanted to stay living where I was living. So, I went. Through the church I got into the Chemical Recovery program. I haven't touched a drug in over three years, one day at a time. My life is radically different. I'm learning how to deal with my emotions, and I am learning how to have relationships. I have an incredible girlfriend which I don't deserve. I am learning how to deal with responsibilities, which is very difficult. Now, I am self-employed and have some people working for me . I am dealing with things I never thought I would be able to. I have great friends, true friends who love me and are helping me to deal with many things including how to love others. I thank God for loving me and giving me a second chance at life. I also thank God for helping me to stay sober one day at a time.
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