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Satan Waited For Me


 Editor    Feb 04 : 10:58
 None    Recovery Stories

I am an addict.

I am an addict. When asked what my drug of choice is, I tell people "I'm not picky". But alcohol, which is glamorized by the media, and with its legality and prevalence, has been my greatest temptation. I was clean and sober for six years and nine months, had started Chemical Recovery ministries in six churches and led that ministry for an entire geographic sector in the full time ministry. SO WHAT, BIG DEAL! Satan wasn't impressed or intimidated by my accomplishments. He bided his time and waited for me.


Due to leadership and sector changes within the church, my wife and I were asked to step down from the full time ministry but continue to lead CR in the same capacity as we had done before. We had every intention of doing so, but due to family circumstances, we needed to move to be able to help our aging mothers. Unfortunately, the church we moved to did not have a CR ministry. At first we saw it as an opportunity to be used by God once again and help get one started. As the weeks turned into months, I got caught up in my own personal life and neglected my recovery completely. Taking it for granted I began to put myself in social situations with my co-workers that I had often advised many others against doing. The temptation to drink turned to desire. I had to fight the urges Satan laid before me, along with the foolish thoughts that I could control my drinking. I stopped hating my sin and attributed my recovery time to my own efforts. I had taken God's mercy and power completely out of the picture.

I stopped hating my sin and attributed my recovery time to my own efforts.
On a company trip out of town, after hours of deliberating with my conscience, I began to drink alcohol again. I felt so remorseful that night. I begged God to forgive me. As we all know, worldly sorrow brings no repentance and by eleven, the next morning I was in a bar drinking again. I drank all that day, even though I had an afternoon flight home and knew that my son would be picking me up at the airport. The knowledge that addiction can progress even though the addict isn't using was now being realized in my own life. I would never have taken a drink the next morning, had this been seven years earlier. Not only was I still powerless, but I was living out Romans 7. I didn't want to drink but was doing it anyway. My sinful nature now controlled my thoughts and actions. I had the power to overcome, through Christ, but chose not to.

Confession and repentance has been refreshing. I attendeed my first AA meeting in a long time, that week. I heard a fellow addict say, that not a day goes by that he doesn't get down on his knees and thank God for his recovery. God made sure this point got driven home for me, because I was called upon, to share how I felt about his story. Before all of the people there, I had to admit my powerlessness and independence of God.

He has used my sin to call me back to reliance on Him and the church. Even though the cravings and the thoughts of using are with me daily, I feel stronger now in my weakness and on my knees, than I have ever been, relying on my own belief that I was standing firm.

I have had to re-learn several lessons, some of which are; that satan is very patient; I am nothing without my Lord; my recovery is only as valuable as my gratitude and; never take CR for granted. I see now that I have a loving God, a wife who has stood by me and a church fellowship that only a few in this world get to experience, and I cannot afford to take any of this for granted again. This would surely be a prescription for relapse.

© 2001-2004 ChemicalRecovery.org. Names and places have been changed to protect identity. May not be used without written permission.


  
 


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