My life has changed drastically within these last 6 months. I was baptized March 21, 2003 and graduated from CR in the same month. I did a lot of damage before God pulled me out of my 'pit'. I hurt my family, my kids, my parents who have since passed away. They never got to see me clean. My sister Loly and Molly would worry about me day and night for twenty long years. My drugs of choice are crystal meth, marijuana, alcohol and cigarettes. I used all of these daily for twenty years. I had good jobs in the medical administrative field, however I lost them due to my addiction. I worked in bars so I could drink every day without raising suspicions. I could use and sell drugs there too. I was very valuable to Satan.
This wasn't enough for me, I needed more. I decided to go into business transporting marijuana across the border. I was arrested with 139lbs of marijuana and was sent to jail. My sisters visited me, put money on my books, and accepted my phone calls. They told mev "This time we are here to help you, but if it happens again, don't even call us!". After coming out I put myself into a rehab. I thought I was doing good, until I stopped going to meetings, never got myself a sponsor, and before I knew it, there I was, sitting at the bar drinking soda.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005 - 23:42:00
I am an addict. My drug of choice is cigarettes. It used to be, one on the way to dance class, one before class, two or three in between class, two after class, three after lunch, one every hour to half hour depending on the level of bitterness in my heart, and an entire pack chain-smoked at night.
Can a human body really take that much smoke? Apparently so, because this was my life.I smoked in order to shut off all feeling. I was bitter about the loneliness that I felt and the rejection that I received in life. I felt as though I would destroy everything in my path if I let myself feel all the rage that was in my heart.
Thursday, January 27, 2005 - 22:20:00